The hicks of Kentucky have a game called "cow tipping". Some of you may have heard of it, but I first thought it had to do with gratuities for chubby waitresses.

Turns out some of the more inbred young hayseeds will get liquored up and sneak up on a dozing cow. They then throw their bodies at it at full speed to knock it over. If successful, the cow goes over like a bag of potatoes. They rarely get hurt, but are then on their ass and unable to get up until the farmer comes with ropes and curses about wayward youth.

I don't know why the cows can't get up; I've seen cows lay down and get up.

Most of the time, the hick bounces off the cow instead and lands on his own ass. Getting annoyed with this fad, the cows are growing peeved enough to stomp such miscreants. Personally, I'm rooting for the cows.

Turns out the farmers have banded together and gotten laws passed making cow tipping an official crime.

Makes me wonder what elegant creature we've bred into such a meatloaf that it can't get up after a fall -- and what meatheads we're breeding who enjoy cow tipping.